Providing Tools and Information to Start Over & Take Control of Your Financial Life
-
Mr. and Mrs. Big-Spender Meet Reality
Posted on June 28th, 2010 11 commentsBrandon and Bonita Big-Spender were the “stars” in their respective families. They were each first generation college graduates and enjoyed the fruits of hard work and discipline. As opposed to falling victim to some of the pitfalls of America’s urban environments, Brandon and Bonita excelled at school and married shortly after their college graduations.
The Big-Spenders seriously enjoyed living the good life. Brandon’s job on Wall Street paid very well and Bonita earned a great salary as a physician’s assistant.
Proud of their accomplishments, the Big-Spenders paid little attention to the fact that they had not accumulated any real wealth. With eyes that glazed over as they read the numbers on their paychecks, the Big-Spenders went about spending their way to the life they had always dreamed of as youth.
For this couple, payday was a mini-holiday because it signified the ability to buy more things. Whether it was cars, clothes, accessories, you name it, the Big-Spenders knew how to put their cash to use. They saw each dollar they earned in income as an opportunity to shop and buy more of the items they wanted – and quite frankly felt they deserved. They were by no means selfish, however. They spent their money almost as freely on their respective extended families and friends as they did on themselves.
Spending money gave them a short-term rush and feeling of power. It made them feel good and important. The temporary joy they felt when trying on new clothes, test-driving a new car or taking another vacation was fantastic. Having grown up in environments largely defined by the sheer lack of resources, the Big-Spenders used their adult earnings to feed their childhood insecurities.
Then the first shoe dropped.
Brandon Big-Spender was laid off from his job with one of the major financial institutions. Confident in his skills and achievements – he was shocked to learn that in the days of the recession – none of the other major banks needed his services either.
The Big-Spenders knew that they would have to tighten their belts and rein in their spending – and they did. But it was soon clear that with precious little in savings, they could not live on Bonita Big-Spender’s income alone.
That’s when the second shoe dropped. The Big-Spenders quickly realized that none of the items they had purchased were worth anything. Nearly every item they had purchased had depreciated (or decreased) in value. They could not cash in on their past vacations and the cars they owned had decreased in value as soon as they drove them off the lot. They could only get pennies on the dollar for their designer clothes and quite frankly no one was really in the market for expensive second hand furniture.
You see, instead of saving or investing their earnings to create wealth, the Big-Spender’s had used their money as an instant reward for their hard work. In their view, money was something that you use so that you could get something else in order to be happy and feel fulfilled. Having grown used to not having any money, the Big –Spenders spent money in order to feel better about them selves. Their ego was now closely tied to their wallet’s buying power. And the lack of buying power was a devastating blow not only to their finances – but to their sense of self worth.
They were now in a world of hurt and needed to make a mental money shift.
The Big-Spenders were classic “emotional” spenders. They viewed money as a tool to make them selves feel a certain way and used money as a means of filling up the emotional holes they had in their lives.
While this is understandable in this economy and culture, quite frankly it is not only foolish but it is a problem that feeds on itself. At best being an emotional spender will only buy short-term gratification – but it can never buy true happiness.
What usually happens is that the temporary joy you purchase will leave you wanting more of the same. It’s sort of like a drug addiction. Which means more purchases. Which requires more money. Which drains your savings. Which leaves you exposed to seemingly insurmountable debt in the event of a financial emergency.
If you are using this approach to money, you will quickly find yourself in a situation where your debt is growing in order to feed your need for more “fulfillment.” You may also find that your ego becomes more and more tied to the things you can buy. When you have a lot of buying power – you feel like you are on top of the world. When your buying power is restricted – you feel less worthy – like you have failed in some way.
So when the inevitable emergency occurs or when the entire country enters a recession the likes of which we have not seen in decades, not only can you not protect yourself or your family. But you are also in a position where your ego and sense of self-worth (which you tied to your wallet’s purchasing power) are devastated in the process.
Stay tuned for Part 2 where we will discuss the “mental money shift” that Brandon and Bonita are going to have to make if they want to survive this financial crisis.
Do you know anyone like Brandon and Bonita? Have you seen the effects of emotional big spending in your family or community? Maybe you see a bit of Brandon and Bonita in your own spending habits? Sound off in the comments and let us know about the Big-Spenders in your life. How do they cope in the face of crisis?
11 responses to “Mr. and Mrs. Big-Spender Meet Reality”
-
I have often seen the big homes, the expensive toys, the fancy trips purchased. The reality is (and I borrow a line from a book I no longer remember) we are ‘distracted into believing we have ownership.’ The banks really own everything. We just appear as if we do. This distraction robs you of true wealth and security. Emotional spenders are hazardous to their own financial well-being.
-
Tweets that mention Mr. and Mrs. Big-Spender Meet Reality @ Starting Over: NY Bankruptcy & Fair Debt Collection -- Topsy.com June 28th, 2010 at 11:32
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by SCartierLiebel, Lurie Daniel Favors. Lurie Daniel Favors said: New @ Starting Over Financial Blog: Mr. & Mrs. Big-Spender Meet Reality http://bit.ly/cFTFxl. How emotional spending leads to $$ disaster. [...]
-
Thanks for the comment Susan. I love that quote – ‘distracted into believing we have ownership.’ That distraction not only ensures that emotional spenders stay in the realm of perpetual monthly payments – but it also gives the false impression that they are in control. It is only when they come face to face with financial hardship that they realize 1) they are NOT in control; 2) they have only LEASED a short term reality; and 3) all they OWN are the bills for a temporary life they can no longer enjoy. Sadly, many more Americans are only now realizing that this applies to them.
-
Wendy L June 28th, 2010 at 19:33
Awesome article Lurie! It sucks that we’re set up to always have these major insecurities about money. We think we have, but when you put some basic thought into it, there’s nada. It can feel pretty hopeless at times and just straight up frustrating. I’m learning how to deal with my financial frustrations in positive ways that will lead to feeling secure, sustained, and satisfied. Will let you know how that goes lol
-
Brandon and Bonita Make a Mental Money Shift @ Starting Over Financial Blog: Moving from Financial Crisis to Financial Empowerment July 23rd, 2010 at 09:28
[...] Brandon and Bonita Make a Mental Money Shift Posted on July 23rd, 2010 Lurie Daniel-Favors No comments You can read Part 1 of this series here. [...]
-
Sonya C July 26th, 2010 at 05:46
Great article, Lurie. In addition, we are programmed to fall prey to the “American Dream” syndrome-believing we are ENTITLED to a certain way of life as it pertains to possessions and acquiring things. I can not count how many times I heard, “Once you get your college degree, you will be able to…”-mostly referring to living a certain lifestyle. This idea was programmed in my mind and soon after I graduated college, I was on the treasure hunt-buying things, over indulging, trying to prove to myself and others that I had arrived, that I was living the “American Dream”. No one tells us that the dream, is just that-a dream. Recently, I was reminded of the English idiom, “a fool and his money are soon parted…” It pays to be WISE…
-
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Wendy. I am so glad to read that you are finding positive ways to deal with your financial frustrations. We all need to be creative and HONEST about our financial situations so that we can 1) confront our financial reality and 2) take concrete steps to create the type of reality we actually want (and work for!). Best of luck!
-
Thank you Sonya – those are truly words of wisdom. I was a victim of that programming as well – believing that if I did well in school, I would naturally get a great job, make great money and live a great life. What a dream! Who would not want to believe that? The “dream” is dangerous for a number of reasons – most importantly because it can keep you living in and yearning for a “dream world.” The recession has had an impact similar to that of an alarm clock that loudly wakes you from the most pleasant of dreams – and introduces you to a very different financial reality. Thanks for sharing!
-
In the words of the late George Carlin, “It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
Great post and commentary!
-
Thanks Susan. Carlin was one of the best – and this phrase is one of the many reasons why!
-
We’re Moving! @ Starting Over Financial Blog: Moving from Financial Crisis to Financial Empowerment September 28th, 2010 at 08:50
[...] check in with Brandon and Bonita Big Spender, see if Malika Mail Avoider had any response to her collection letters, find out if Tasha [...]
Leave a reply
-
Recent Comments